When?

When you are in your twenties and have graduated university, everyone around you suddenly talks about marriage and stuffs. Everybody starts asking the "when" questions, repeatedly. Everywhere.

It's not that I'm not interested with the topic. I am. Everyone in my circle probably know that I'm into young marriage. It's just.... Weird to have that conversation when you're in the phase when you feel lost and are not sure about your next move. It's a little weird and uncomfortable to always get questions that you can only answer with a smile or laugh upon your face, isn't it?

"Are you ready?" is even worse. Because it is a real question, unlike the "when?". I've received this question twice this week, both from people who are willing to take the next step if answer it with a yes. Two woman who got worried with my plan to get a master's degree abroad, while I'm still single.

And... I don't know. I thought it would be perfect to get married right after college, but somehow I don't want to get married with still having an "unfinished business". Who knows what will happen next? Who knows if I no longer have time to pursue my dream because I'm going to prioritize something else? 

On the ther hand, delaying marriage could make it even harder for me to meet the right guy. It's sad, but true. I'm a girl. I live in a conservative country, and I'm a girl.

And it's really hard to answer these kind of questions and to make a plan when everything is so blurry and, well, blank and empty.

I am twenty. I'm at the beginning of the "mate-selection" and "settling down" phase. I'm also in a point where I get enthusiastic to build a career and to pursue my dreams and education. Twenty-something is the age when we are gullible enough to think that we can rule the world and be anything that we want. 

I just want to be happy in whatever path I choose to go through first. And I still want to excell in both. Realistic or not, I guess it depends on how far will I go to make it true.

"Are you ready?"

"How can I be ready to start a family and to take care of someone else, when I'm still not finished with myself?"